Remember those Loony Toons where Bugs Bunny was in Spain? i don't remember how he got there, wrong turn at Albuquerque or something. anyway, when Bugs was in Spain he wound up in a bull fight. and so there he is, playing matador, the bull is charging at him and he's got his red matador cape out. the hapless bull lunges at the cape with all his might, unaware that bastard bunny has a brick wall hidden behind it.

i think this is a pretty good metaphor for what it's like being a romantic.

There is a hurricane headed for eastern Canada, right now. Hurricane Noel. Hurricanes always die down before they reach Halifax. But I wish I were back there anyway. Even died down, it means wind and leaves and dark clouds. I haven't talked to my brother Adrian since I left home. We email back and forth on Facebook, and I showed him the final draft of my new novel, which is about him. But I haven't heard his voice in months. Now there's a hurricane coming. If I were back in Halifax now, I would fill my backpack with beer, and I would put on a warm jacket, and I would call my brother up.

The trick to finding a happy ending is knowing where to stop the story.

Anguish and fear have never been so much fun.

Call me uptight but I'm also against using the word "fag" aimed at me in some joking, campy way to demonstrate how comfortable you are with my being gay. This has happened to me. It's like a folksy gay-bashing without the exclamation point of the beatings.

The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.

this is not about me.
this isn't about art.
this isn't about my hobbies.
this is not about my favorite band.
this is about free flow.
this is about no restriction.
this is the torrent (or trickle) that is my mind flow.
this is what happens when you don't stop to think.

To do just the opposite is also a form of imitation.

Feeling about as vain and sexy as an over-the-hill, overweight, overeducated, yet under-employed, naked man with a pair of cola bottle bottoms for eyeglasses and an insignificant, no matter how erect, protrusion of flesh between the legs possibly can, I decided to write. Did I mention hairy?

"If we didn't live venturously, plucking the wild goat by the beard, and trembling over precipices, we should never be depressed, I've no doubt; but already should be faded, fatalistic and aged."

"If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe."

To a brave man, good and bad luck are like his left and right hand. He uses both.-St. Catherine

If he'd known how the world worked he never would have broken his heart over it.
-John Clellon Holmes,
speaking about Jack Kerouac

you will learn how to help yourself.
it will break your heart, and it will make you strong.

We lived on beer and kisses, all hopped up on love and foam.-Amy Rigby

So long as governments set the example of killing their enemies, private citizens will occasionally kill theirs.

It isn't what the book costs. It's what it will cost you if you don't read it.

I went to bed that night in the lonely hotel room. I could not sleep, and then, in the gray light between darkness and dawn, the words came to me line by line, stanza by stanza. I lay perfectly still, and the words came sweeping on with the rhythm of marching feet, pauseless, resistless. I saw the long line swinging into place before my eyes. I heard the voice of a nation speaking through my lips.

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

Assassination is the extreme form of censorship. -George Bernard Shaw

Frank,
I saw you speak this week at UK. You said "the children the world almost break become the adults who save it". That is my secret. Thank you for giving it voice. I did not break. I did survive and now I am a therapist working with the most disturbed, most abused, but the most incredible children. I believe they can all be saved. I believe they are all worth saving. I am trying one at a time.

Sep 28th, 2007
01:07 am - there is such a thing as a tesseract

It is a dark and stormy night. (No lie. I even made hot cocoa earlier.)

I grew up in a household where everyone "knew" there was a copy of A Wrinkle in Time (and the entire Chronicles of Narnia, the Oz books, various bits of the Wheel of Time, etc.; I sometimes think of them like lost, benevolent ghosts) somewhere in the basement (Or maybe the attic. Have you tried the attic?) but no one could ever find it (Are you sure you looked in the basement?). So I've gotten to know the children's section at the library pretty well. I sat between two child-sized bookcases for about a half hour this afternoon, reading titles. I don't know why, exactly. Maybe I just needed a little child-sized comfort.

I didn't quite find it. As often as I've read A Wrinkle in Time, it breaks me down every time. Just say "there is such a thing as a tesseract" and I'll burst into tears. But it's a comforting kind of disturbed. There is love that can take you across the universe. Sometimes your greatest faults are your greatest strengths. The people you've lost can be found. The stars are conspiring to save you. I sat between two child-sized bookcases this afternoon, remembering that the world is a disturbing and beautiful place. I don't know what I'll be doing in a year. I'll try to make it something disturbing and beautiful.

-From the journal of frostflake

I am honorary president of the American Humanist Association, having succeeded the late, great, spectacularly prolific writer and scientist, Dr. Isaac Asimov in that essentially functionless capacity. At an A.H.A. memorial service for my predecessor I said, "Isaac is up in Heaven now." That was the funniest thing I could have said to an audience of humanists. It rolled them in the aisles. Mirth! Several minutes had to pass before something resembling solemnity could be restored.I made that joke, of course, before my first near-death experience -- the accidental one.

So when my own time comes to join the choir invisible or whatever, God forbid, I hope someone will say, "He's up in Heaven now." Who really knows? I could have dreamed all this.

My epitaph in any case? "Everything was beautiful. Nothing hurt." I will have gotten off so light, whatever the heck it is that was going on.

Kurt Vonnegut

yesterday I...
~
shaved my legs with a blunt razor, and perhaps I would have let some blood fall from my veins if it wasn't so trendy and shallow now.
~
left wet towels on the floor.
~
dressed in baggy black clothes... to drown my figure,
to be a shapeless girl. if I can't be thin I will be shapeless.
being shapeless is better than being fat anyway.
~
passed through the car park
it doesn't collect warmth anymore,
thats why I don't stay there.
there is no sunshine to soak up.
~
held hands with someone:
who's love I do not deserve this easily.
because I'm cold and distant...
tightly closed
like the criss-crossed laces in those boots that I wear.
~
smiled: artificially, yet convincingly.
~
inhaled invisible pollution.
~
endured annoying noises
and annoying people
(who told me to SHUT THE FUCK UP
because I proved them to be a HYPOCRITE)

[fuck them]

(which I unfortunately did, once)
~
scrambled to catch up
~
watched online video clips
~
said goodbye in a predictable manner
~
tried not to die.

by the deviantart user forbiddensnowflake

My chief consolation is that if I am scuppered tonight-; am off on duty in a few minutes-there will still be left a member of the great T.C.B.S. to voice what I dreamed and what we all agreed upon. For the death of one of its members cannot, I am determined, dissolve the T.C.B.S. Death can make us loathsome and helpless as individuals, but it cannot put an end to the immortal four! A discovery I am going to communicate to Rob before I go off to-night. And do you write it also to Christopher. May God bless you, my dear John Ronald, and may you say the things I have tried to say long after I am not there to say them, if such be my lot.
Yours ever,
G.B.S.
-A letter written to J.R.R. Tolkien by his friend G.B. Smith on the day of his death.

i hate calc. i hate people. i hate work. i hate. i hate. i hate. i hate life. and then i think and i know i dont hate life, but im tired of crap. i just want to do what i want to do and i cant do what i want to do unless i do all the crap i dont want to do and i really dont want to do anything that everybody else wants me to do and the only things i want to do are things that everybody else doesnt want me to do and so i cant do what i want to do because doing what i want to do results in my not doing what i dont want to do and everybody else being angry and making me not do what i want to do in order to to what i dont want to do and then i get angry and dont do anything instead of doing what i want to do or what i dont want to do.
-Amber T.'s rant

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give;
Gas smells awful; You might as well live.
~Dorthy Parker

"But I need a place where I can shout and weep. I have to be a Spanish savage at some time of the day. I record here the hysteria life causes in me. The overflow of an undisciplined extravagance. To hell with taste and art, with all contractions and polishings. Here I shout, I dance, I weep, I gnash my teeth, I go mad -- all by myself, in bad English, in chaos. It will keep me sane for the world and for art." - Anais Nin

Once upon a time, the tale goes, a man was sentenced to death by the king.

"Wait!" he cried. "If you delay my sentence by six months, I'll teach your horse to talk."

The king agreed.

Later that day the man's wife asked him, "Why would you make such an offer? You can't possibly teach a horse how to talk."

"Well," he answered, "I figure a lot can happen in six months. There could be a revolution and a new king. Or the king could get sick and die. Or the king could change his mind. Or the horse could die. Or I could die. Or maybe the horse will talk."

Apparently from The Truth Machine by James L. Haperlin

tears well to my eyes the moment i start to create this message to you. You have only been away for 2 nights and already my soul feels more empty without your presence around it. I don't know what to do either derek, or where to go. I think that life is spinning like this for a reason but i could really care less. You and I are brothers and I wish that we would have never ever seperated. I am prepared to take on the challenges of this hellish reality to reinsert you within my life and build a family with you to begin that which has already started. Go to the church of unity in every town you find, those people are like us, we are one mind. I am never not near you even when you know my presence is not, you can always speak to me within your mind. I do not know where your Yin lies but I am forever eternally greatful for you bringing me to mine. I saw so much pain in the eyes of those females that came with us on our journey and I wonder as you did if it would have been better to just keep walking.

To question is to doubt which really doesn't serve as far as regret, things happen for a reason and we gained much from the experience. I am probably going to return home to grab up supplies and such before I break away again from this place to another set of boxes. The only difference around the US is the climate so I feel the urge to establish a community in that land of SC then do what you were thinking and cruise to see the culture of the world around us. If things work out we will all be living high on the so called hog in greece as silent prophets in our massive underground hive commune spending all our days projecting and learning about our future.. Manifest the ability to plane shift, all things are possible, if these boxes are all the same, maybe we should travel to where the boxes are circles instead.

I missed you so much
So good to see you
You had alot to say
and you sure could yell

Focus your attention as you will, remember polygamy and that we will be together again

you are the final part to a circut of the Zodiac

Jessica = leo = fire
Mike = libra = air
patrick = scorpio = water
Derek = Virgo = earth

One soul within all elements, perfect balance for complete power to will anything one could and will wish to experience. don't you lose hope you fucking bastard.

A comment on lordazazel by forestoflight from April 15, 2003.

Friday, October 31, 2003
I went to college with this girl named Denise. Before graduation, we seniors were either ashamed to show our faces in public because of unemployment, or were bragging about the fabulous new jobs we had landed. I was the little prick who wanted to show everyone up, saying things like, "oh, yeah. I'm going to be a producer for Entertainment Tonight." (i.e. I am so much better than you that you should not even be speaking to me right now.) Some of my snotty girlfriends rattled on about the bitchy, Prada and Jimmy Choo-infested P.R. firms they'd be whoring for. A couple of my other friends boasted about their entrance into the music industry, etc.

But not Denise. Denise is (was?) a very smart girl, has a charming personality, and is not lazy nor retarded. However, she found a job working at the AMC Empire movie theatre on 42nd street, where she would be making popcorn all day. She was exhilerated. She had just completed her bachelors degree and was insanely thrilled to work at the AMC Empire. Hearing her excitement over this was freakishly entertaining and disturbing, all at the same time.

Like...in a ghetto voice that wasn't her usual method of speaking, she told all of our professors about her lucrative new career in the "film industry" - Professsaaaaaaaaaaah! I got me a job! I'm workin' at da AMC Empire! I'm makin' popcorn! And ain't gonna give you no free tickets cuz you done gave me a B minus on my paper! When people thought she was kidding about her excitement, she literally thought they were crazy. Denise thought she got the absolute most fantastic job in the entire world and truly expected everyone to be jealous of her.

I want to be Denise today. Right now. All I want to do is make popcorn at the AMC Empire movie theatre on 42nd street and be happy about doing so. I wish to be simple and uncomplicated and happy and happy and happy.

Taken from the ever-interesting blog of MeZack.

It's funny...How you think at times like this.
You ask the usual questions...feel your heart writhe around like a small animal.
But most of all...you feel nothing.
Hear nothing
See nothing
Because you don't want to.
I hear him explaining everything...in a blur. How Arduc had been destroyed...the sun and the stars...all killed at the same time...I had no idea there was such power...anyplace.
I cried..
But really...it didn't mean anything. I cried because I was supposed to cry. This requires a kind of despair I am incapable of, and was never meant to express.
It's hard to feel angry towards something so horrible and so beautiful.
The rest is silence.
And the picture This was also taken from the comic Grayling. You should go read it.

"If I told everybody how they could live inside of a post office box then everybody would stop paying landlords and go liveinside their post office boxes. It would collapse the building! Can you imagine, post offices collapsing all over the country, the hemispere, the PLANET! The whole world's communication system would be destroyed. No, no, I must not say. I dare not!
-Malaclypse the Younger

You're Never Safe Where the Pine is. Evil is Real. Satan is real.

I hear cries in the night, I see ghostly figures cross my room, I always feel like im being watched, I feel the presence of a Spirit, Demons are real, Iv seen one. And You'll Never know how it is like to live cold and hungry for blood. See and glance a Fleck a of a Glowing Red Eye, that is me. The eye in the corner of you eye. I see everything you see. I see death, you will see to. Beware. Wrath.

Everybody Had a preveous life. But might not Remember. I Do. I was a nine year old girl. Taken by the wolves. Died in the Ice. Brought back. As a Morph. I see you. I see Spirits. I feel you Hunger rise. Feed the Poor in Hungry lands. Be happy for what you have.Be gracous.

E-mailed to me by someone called Nazgul_wolf

I am wrapping your horrifying present tonite. You will be amazed and scared of it. Perhaps you will eat it. I do not know. My cat tells me there is this "door" in my room and at any minute it might open and let him out. I told him that Totchi told YOU to tell ME that there was a "lamp" in YOUR room. Perhaps the two are pyschically linked...your lamp and my door, not our cats. Although that could also be true. My cat has been doing an unreasonable amount of smoooooooooging onto the floor when I put a towel on his head. the end.
A comment on this from the deviant sadwonderland

Oh hi.

Why must my life be a soap operatic sob story?

In addition to my dead best friend, my close HIV friend, my HIV ex-boyfriend, and my very close brain tumor friend, I am now in-the-know about my special manfriend's incurable disease. He had a seizure in my bed last night and I was rather scared out of my mind. These aforementioned people are, however - with a few additions - are my absolute favorite people on earth. They have no insecurities, no pretention, no hang-ups, aren't whiney, and have no bullshit that overdramatically plagues their daily lives. They are sick and they are the strongest, most amazing people I know.

from the blog of mezack

I celebrated Easter this year drinking and gambling with my mother in Atlantic City. We sat at 25-cent slot machines, me with a tequila sunrise, her with a 7 and 7 – forever The Grown Up Drink to me. We sipped through tiny red straws and tipped the cocktail waitresses with quarters fished out of plastic buckets. I felt like a little girl getting to play with the grownups every time she’d slip money into my machine and tell me to bet whole dollar on just one spin. We laughed at the ridiculousness of it and ate Zitner’s butter cream eggs.
From the blog Hundredwords